Stellar and Strange
by Shiroi Ryuu
Summary: Five years after high school, Haruhi finds herself in Tokyo, desperate and alone. She's not the only one. She'll find him again in the most unexpected place. Will she ever be able to piece her past back together? Chapter 4 Done.
1. Hello Again

**STELLAR**

**(an Ouran High School Host Club fanfiction)**

**by Shiroi Ryuu**

_A stranger's just someone _

_that you've forgotten_

_How will we know if we've met before_

_or done this dance, Mystery Man?_

_Didn't I know you?_

(_Oh, Hello_ by Circa Survive)

**CHAPTER ONE: HELLO AGAIN**

Haruhi Fujioka had forgotten how Tokyo looked like at night. The neon lights winked and flashed at her in rainbow colors, the buildings almost dancing. The night air was cold and clear, the rising smoke from her cigarette forming gray curlicues in the dark.

She had been standing on a street corner for ten minutes, shivering and continuing to smoke as cars drove by and pedestrians pushed by her. The PA system droned on but she had no idea what was said. A crowd of rowdy teenagers pushed out of the bar behind her, all of them clearly underage. A flurry of banter and happy conversation reached her ears and she stared at them, at the faces that seemed so young, so carefree…

_I used to be like that_, she thought, heaving a sigh and pulling another drag from her cigarette. _Oh, well._

She continued to stand on the street corner until the group of teenagers disappeared down the block, their laughter still reaching her ears. She turned up her collar and pulled in her coat closer, but the night air was already piercing through her skinny frame. _A drink would warm me up_, she thought, and turned to walk down the avenue.

As she walked, she mused at how many construction sites there were in the city. She had been gone for only five years, but now much of the city has changed, old buildings were always being torn down to be replaced with new and unique architecture, that she had to look for a familiar spot to know where she was. As if she was gone for a decade.

Five years, since her father died.

Ever since then, Haruhi Fujioka was alone. Really alone. A week after the funeral she was on the plane to Boston, and since then, she never came back. Until now.

Haruhi turned around another corner and found herself in a familiar area and in front of a familiar bar. With a jolt she realized that she was where her father used to work.

_What am I doing here?_

She stomped the last of her cigarette on the floor and stared at the sign. XOXO in gaudy pink neon with a scattering of red flashing hearts. She remembered how her dad snuck her in the dressing room every night until she was eight years old, and she watched him put garish green eyeshadow and 5-inch heels. She remembered how she fold her dad's costumes and put back his brushes and wigs, while her father flirted with his customers. Occasionally, she would hear his father's voice fill the air as he sang American songs on karaoke, and the wild applauses afterward. She would take a peek behind the curtains and watch her father laugh and wave coquettishly at his roaring audience.

And she was here again, her eight-year-old self coming back to haunt her. She put her hand to the tinted glass doors, hesitating, half-hoping to find her father grinning at her to welcome her in.

Pushing open the doors, she was greeted by a blast of warm air and loud noises. She could see that the tables were all filled, and its occupants were applauding loudly at the dancers onstage. The emcee, whom Haruhi quickly recognized as her father's old boss, came out and announced the next performer.

"And now, put your hands together foooor… AIMIMI-SAN!"

The crowd erupted in hoots and screams. Haruhi perched herself on the nearest bar stool and tried to get the barman's attention, but he was staring avidly at the stage, abandoning the glass he was wiping on the counter. Slightly annoyed, Haruhi turned to look at the sea of people near the stage, who were also wearing the same excited expression. _Whoever this Aimimi-san was_, she thought, _I bet he's really good._

Drums rolled and the red glitter curtain went up. Haruhi watched as a redhead emerged from the shadows, flanked by three dancers in identical black wigs. He was wearing a brilliant turquoise dress with spangles and his cheeks were heavily rouged. He waved to the audience and again the crowd stomped and cheered. He put a hand up to silence them.

"Good evening, lovelies! Everybody up for a bit of fun?" The crowd roared louder and louder, their screams vibrating the walls. He winked at the audience and with a flourish at the musicians, began an energetic pop song. Everybody sang and clapped along to the music.

Haruhi watched as Aimimi sang. His gestures were fluid and perfect, and he moved in sync with the dancers. He was mesmerizing, and his smile was so engaging that though Haruhi disliked this kind of entertainment, she cheered as enthusiastically as everyone when Aimimi launched into three more songs, holding a captivated audience well with his catchy charm. Infectious. Like her dad.

"Thank you very much," He winked again and blew kisses at the audience, who kept chanting for more, but he just grinned playfully and disappeared amidst their cheering.

_That guy_, Haruhi mused, _he's almost as good as my dad._

**OOO**

It was already one in the morning when the show ended. The staff was already hauling beer bottles in crates and cleaning up the tables when Haruhi went up to Ryoko, her dad's former boss, who was at the register counting the money.

"Hi, Ryoko-san," she began, and the man looked up.

"Haru-chan! Gosh, what a lovely surprise!" Ryoko pushed back the register drawer and pulled Haruhi in a one-armed hug. "Oh, my gosh! It's been a while! You've grown skinnier!"

"Uh... it's university doing that to me," Haruhi said, sheepishly.

"University! Following your mother's footsteps, I see! Come, come, sit down!" Ryoko then pulled a couple of chairs and Haruhi sat down across him.

"Uh, I can't stay long... I just went to check out the place." Haruhi felt an upwelling of sadness as she stared at the empty stage.

Ryoko laughed. "Well, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to ask... how are you doing?"

"I'm okay, mostly. I... just came for a break from law school before another semester starts." Haruhi stared at the tabletop, suddenly feeling ill at ease. Her lungs itched for a cigarette. Ryoko smiled and patted her hand.

"Ryoji would be very proud of you, studying law abroad! With brains like yours, it's no wonder that you'll be a success as soon as you graduate!"

Haruhi's fists tightened. She couldn't tell Ryoko that she had been booted out of the scholarship list this semester. Images of her father's proud face as he told his colleagues about her achievements caused her a pang in her throat.

_I failed, Dad. I'm only too glad you couldn't see me now._

Ryoko noticed her silence and nodded, "Oh, Haru-dear, I know you miss your dad. Me too. XOXO hasn't been the same since he... left."

Haruhi didn't answer. Memories of her father's funeral filled her head.

A smooth voice dragged Haruhi out of the heaviness that permeated her thoughts. "Ryoko-san? I'll be going--"

Haruhi looked up into a pair of deep, purple eyes. Those eyes...

I'd know those eyes anywhere.

"Tamaki?"

**Author's Notes:**

Wow, it's the first time I've written fanfiction in a long while! Thank you for reading through the end. I'm looking for Beta readers for this fic, so if anyone wants to, just email me at cosmik (at) gmail (dot) com!

Reviews are much appreciated. I shall elaborate more as the story progresses.

Stellar © Shiroi Ryuu 2006


	2. This, Now: 1 of 2

**STELLAR AND STRANGE**

_Alone, unknown_

_Yet fearing nothing but ourselves_

_could be scarier than any crowded room._

_I'm more alone with you than when I am by myself_

_- My Hotel Year, _The Ataris

**CHAPTER TWO: THIS, NOW** (I)

"H- Haruhi?"

Dead, uncomfortable silence. I must be dreaming, Haruhi thought. Through the dim lights she could see that Tamaki was wearing a wavy blonde wig with a pair of huge shades perched on top, a white turtleneck, tight jeans and black clunky boots. Someone wake me up now, pleaded Haruhi silently. This is…

Bizarre.

Ryoko's gaze turned from Tamaki to Haruhi. "Oh! Haruhi, it seems that you know our star performer, Aimimi-san!"

Aimimi? Haruhi felt a hot, heavy feeling swoop down to her stomach, sinking slowly and painfully. The red-haired singer.

I should've known.

"When did you guys know each other?" Ryoko asked excitedly, clueless at the tension that wrapped thickly around the room.

Tamaki cleared his throat. "We… we go way back. A long time ago."

A long time ago. Yes, it has been a long time ago, hasn't it? Haruhi tried to think of something to say, but there were a lot of things. A lot of painful, confusing things. Questions she couldn't even begin to ask.

Ryoko clapped his hands. "Well, that's great! Now, why don't you two go ahead? I'm sure you'll have a lot to discuss! Don't worry, I'll lock up," he stood up and ushered them to the door. "Now take care and have fun, okay?" He winked at them and disappeared.

Once Haruhi felt that Ryoko was at a safe distance, she quickly reached for the packet of cigarettes inside her coat pocket. She lit one and took a long, relieving drag. Tamaki's plastered expression of surprise broke into a frown.

"Since when did you start smoking?"

"Four years ago." Haruhi answered, looking up into Tamaki's eyes. Silence.

"What are you doing here?" They both asked at the same time.

* * *

A few minutes later they were sitting on the curb across a liquor store, both clutching bottles of beer.

"You go first." Haruhi said.

Tamaki took a swig. "Since when did you get here?"

"Two days ago." Haruhi turned to look at his blond mane. "Nice hair."

"Thanks." Tamaki raised his bottle. "It's my best."

Haruhi stared at their shoes. In contrast to Tamaki's sleek boots, she wore scruffy gray sneakers, sneakers that she had ever since senior year in high school. Her mind was racing, trying to piece together questions. All this was too confusing. Suoh Tamaki, the king, the prince, the lord, the leader, the founder of the most popular (and pointless, as Haruhi always added in her head) school organization at Ouran High, right here, sitting on the curb drinking cheap beer and wearing faux-leather boots? It was unthinkable. If anything, it was the oddity of the setting that staggered her into that pregnant, insoluble silence. Never did it occur to Haruhi that she would meet him here, if she ever met him again. _What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be somewhere else? _

…_Someone else?_

Tamaki downed the last of his beer before turning to Haruhi. "Didn't expect to see you back there."

"Well, neither did I." _We should stop this now, this meandering. We could sit here all night doing this, and we'd be going nowhere. _

"What happened, Tamaki?" Haruhi asked, lighting up another cigarette. Tamaki sighed and set his bottle next to him and watched the embers fall into the pavement and disappear. It was disturbing to watch Haruhi drinking beer like water, but watching her smoke was something else. If Tamaki was surprised and upset, he didn't show it. Admittedly, seeing Haruhi again caused him more than ripping sensations down his insides. His mind was swimming in fragments of thought. He didn't know where to begin.

"Let's walk." He got up and offered his hand. Haruhi had another pang rising to her throat. His outstretched hand, his face in the dark. Things that once meant so many things to her.

She took his hand and hoisted herself up.

"Where are we going?"

"To my apartment. We can talk on the way there." Tamaki was looking straight ahead, as if trying to steel himself.

"Okay." They started walking down the empty street, the yellow lights shining down from the lampposts drawing their shadows on the sidewalk.

**Author's Notes: **

Whew. Chapter Two (I) is done. It shall be a two-part chapter, as I am still trying to piece together their dialogue, and it would be too long to just to put as one. Anyway, thank you to those who have added _Stellar and Strange_ to their alerts! I think it's as good as getting a review. Thank you for your interest!

Oh, and if you're having trouble imagining how Tamaki's wig would look like, imagine him with his mother's hair. With those huge-ass shades on top of it. Haha!

Stellar and Strange © Shiroi Ryuu


	3. This, Now: 2 of 2

**STELLAR AND STRANGE**

_September never stays this cold_

_Where I come from_

_And you know I'm not one for complaining_

_But I love the way you'd roll_

_Excuses off the tip of your tongue_

_As I slowly fall apart _

_Slowly, quietly, slowly_

_Fall apart_

_- The Great Romances of the 20th Century, _Taking Back Sunday

**CHAPTER TWO: THIS, NOW **(II)

"So…" Haruhi ventured once again, and hesitated. She didn't want to push Tamaki into talking, as he seemed so far away in his thoughts right then. She wanted to light another cigarette again, but she remembered Tamaki's expression as he watched her. Normally, she couldn't care less about people who looked disgusted whenever she smoked in front of them, but she read more than disappointment in his eyes. Confusion? Sadness? And something else Haruhi couldn't point out.

The streets seemed so empty and quiet. Silent cars drove past them, their headlights glaring at them, almost accusing. The neon lights continued to blink in an endless rhythm. People passed them by, oblivious to them like shadows. The silence was waiting.

"Why did you come back, Haruhi?" Tamaki asked, his voice hard. His fingers hurt in their tight clench. His heart felt sick, churning inside him, reminding him that it was still there. _Stupid fucking heart._ He never thought seeing Haruhi again would cause him so much of that hollow, painful feeling now eating away at his insides.

"Why are you here?"

The question was almost like a stab, piercing, accusing. Haruhi hadn't expected this, the bitterness exuding from his voice, from his eyes. The tight lines. She didn't know what to say.

"I… I had to think." She said, feeling lame and insignificant. She was disgusted at how stupid she sounded.

Tamaki's expression grew tighter. "Oh. And you had to come all the way here to do your thinking? Interesting."

"Why are you being like this?" Haruhi stopped walking. She felt a hot, thick wave of anger rising inside her. Tamaki was being so difficult, and she just about had enough. "Well, how about you? Why are you suddenly dressed in drag and dancing around onstage doing my father's old job? Shouldn't I be more surprised to find you there?" She was yelling, but she didn't care. "Or maybe I shouldn't be surprised at all. You were always good at fucking up your life," She cut herself off, she had said too much. She expected Tamaki to fire something back at her, but he didn't.

Tamaki's gut seemed to constrict as he heard these words. _You were always good at fucking up your life._ The impact of the truth hit him, cut through him. _Yeah, I guess I am. And I'm doing it again. I should be walking away from you. Yet here I am, standing here._

Tamaki looked at Haruhi squarely in eye. He was suddenly tired. Defeated. Again.

"My grandmother cut me off from being the successor of the Suoh family." He said simply. "So here I am."

"Why?" Haruhi asked again. It couldn't be as simple as that.

Tamaki had now started to walk again, faster. Haruhi tried hard to keep up with his stride. It amazed her how he could do it, despite his tall heels.

"Does it matter if you know why?" Tamaki sighed tiredly. "It's just that, and then everything went downhill from there."

"Who's handling your businesses then?"

"Still my father. He's sold off a part of the company to shareholders but he's still waiting for me to come back."

"Well, why don't you?" Haruhi asked. "Doesn't he also have a say in who's going to be the successor or not?"

"Yeah, he does. I don't know why either. Maybe I don't want to." Tamaki was surprised at how casual he sounded, despite the tumult of emotions raging inside him. "Anyhow, I didn't go to college, so I'm ill-suited for the job."

"But we both passed the entrance tests for Tokyo University. On a scholarship even. Why didn't you go?"

"I didn't go." Tamaki then turned to Haruhi and looked hard in her eyes. "Because you left."

"What?"

"Because you left." Tamaki repeated, slowly, every word causing Haruhi even more confusion. And there was a new feeling that was starting to unfurl within her, a tree with its branches sticking out to wrap her heart. Guilt.

And then it all came back to her. Their prep year. The summer before she left.

* * *

"_Wait up, Haruhi!" Tamaki called out, running towards her. Haruhi turned around to see Tamaki waving at her. "Waiiit!"_

_Haruhi slowed down her walk. "Slowpoke."_

"_It's a beautiful day, why waste it by hurrying?"_

_  
"Well," Haruhi replied. "We're going to get our university exam results today right?"_

_Tamaki's face crumpled into a frown. "Ah, but we all know that you passed, so why don't we sit down for a while and—," _

"_No, we can view the cherry blossoms later. I'm actually on my way to pick up something else." Haruhi said, walking faster._

"_What?"_

"_My application for Harvard University."_

"_Harvard?" Tamaki stopped in his tracks. "Why?"_

"_I just want to see if I can get in," Haruhi replied, turning around to face the blond-haired boy beside her._

_Tamaki looked crestfallen. "But we have a perfectly competent law program at Tokyo U."_

"_I know. But my dad told me that my mom also tried to apply there, and she got in," Haruhi grinned as she started to walk again. "Don't worry, I don't think I have enough money saved for that school, even if I did get a scholarship." Tamaki breathed a sigh of relief._

"_And I can't leave my dad alone here, you know."_

_Tamaki put a hand on her shoulder. "And you can't leave me alone, too."_

_Haruhi smirked at the puppy-dog face he made. "Right. Now let's go."_

_They were silent until they reached the gates of Ouran High. Before they went in, Tamaki grabbed Haruhi by the shoulder._

"_Promise me you won't ever leave," He whispered. "Ever."_

_Haruhi was surprised by his urgency and seriousness. Nevertheless, she looked right into his purple eyes and smiled._

"_I won't. Don't worry about it." _

_Then she left two weeks later._

* * *

_Shit_, Haruhi thought. Her mind was reeling from the memories, the old scenes, the past she'd so abruptly left behind, that old promise. Well, what was she supposed to do now? What was she supposed to say? The guilt and frustration she was feeling wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. _Do you want me to apologize? What good will that do?_

_The damage has been done._

_But it's also his fault he's like this. He could've just moved on, like everybody else…_

She wanted to tell him that, but she couldn't speak. _It's not my fault, it's not my fault. _Trying to convince herself, over and over. _It's not…_

Tamaki broke her silence. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "You think I'm blaming you. I'm not." He tried to smile, but Haruhi saw that his eyes were distant and sad. "I love my job at Ryoko's. He's a great guy," Tamaki shrugged. "Well, it's not much different from the Host Club, isn't it? So there. I'm fine." He laughed, but it sounded hollow to Haruhi.

Haruhi looked up at the tall blonde beside her. His sad smile. His eyes. Those beautiful purple eyes. Eyes that could say anything without a word.

"Does your dad know what you're doing now?" she asked.

"No." Haruhi waited for an explanation, but Tamaki dropped the subject. "So, what happened at Harvard?"

"I… failed the last semester." Haruhi blurted out. "Everything… was just getting worse. Don't know why. I guess the grind was too hard for me. Too much pressure. A-and I just had to go back. To visit my parents. Get my life back in order."

"You failed, huh?" Tamaki's face was expressionless. "So… where are you staying?"

"Actually, I haven't found a place yet," Haruhi replied, "I'm currently staying at a motel until I find a place."

"Oh."

They had been walking for a long while, and they were now entering a familiar area. In the dim yellow light, the houses cast long, ribbed shadows on the sidewalk.

"Where's your place? This looks like my old neighborhood."

"Because it is." Tamaki fished into his purse for his keys as they turned into another corner. "We're quite there now. Just two more blocks."

"Here we are." They were standing in front of a grey four-story building. Haruhi didn't recall seeing this building before.

And, as if Tamaki read her mind, he said, "This used be to your old apartment. It was torn down a year after you left."

**Author's Note:**

Finally… part 2 of chapter 2. Been writing this the whole day Honestly I wanted a bit more drama for this chapter, but opted for something much more… toned-down. There's still a lot more room for that in the plot. Thank you for those who left comments and reviews for this story, and for those who added S&S to their story alerts. Hopefully I'll get chapter 3 done by Saturday evening. Again, thanks for reading!

Stellar and Strange © Shiroi Ryuu 2006


	4. Candles and Photos

**STELLAR AND STRANGE**

_Here I am confused._

_So unsure of where I stand._

_Consumed by emptiness._

_Sick of being used by this world._

_When will it end?_

_This game I play with you._

_When will I stop to pretend _

_and go standing on a black line?_

_- This Emotion,_ Slow Coming Day

**CHAPTER THREE: CANDLES AND PHOTOS**

What Haruhi just heard was as disorienting as all else she had seen and heard tonight. The grey building stood there, silent and unfamiliar, a testament that she had been gone for so long.

The inside of the building smelled of detergents and smoke. It was heavy and cloyed the narrow hallways. Pin lights lined the corridors and showed the cracking paint on the walls, yellow against dull white.

Tamaki pushed the elevator button. "Your old landlady went to be with her son in Kobe, so she sold this off to get the money needed," he explained, as they stepped inside. "Honestly I don't know why they had to tear it down and build another structure."

"To attract people, I guess," Haruhi stared at the wall of small silver postboxes beside the manager's office. But she preferred the homey atmosphere of their old apartment. She remembered conversations with neighbors, clothes hanging on the same line, desserts exchanged, smiling faces and morning greetings. All replaced by metal and paint, linoleum and cold, lonely halls, forbidding doors with fake golden numbers.

"I don't know about that. All your old neighbors moved out. As far as I know there weren't any new tenants since last month."

The elevator doors opened and they got in.

"Where do you live?"

"On the top floor." Tamaki pressed the fading number four button. Haruhi stared up at fluorescent lights as the elevator creaked up, making her head throb.

_Ding. _ The elevator doors slid open to a dimly-lit hallway, not unlike the ground floor halls. It was even more depressing to look at. The fire exit sign glowed warning red above a steel door painted grey. The worn red-carpet and suffocating walls appeared to be closing in on them as they traversed it. Haruhi observed that the air was unusually cold and smelled faintly of old roses. Creepy.

Tamaki lived at the end of the hallway, right next to the fire exit. 410.

"D'you know your neighbors?" Haruhi asked as he pushed his key in the lock.

"No. As far as I know I'm the only other living on the top floor, besides the building manager."

A heavy scent greeted Haruhi as soon as Tamaki swung the door open. The rose-smell was definitely stronger now, mingling with other smells. Wafts of cinnamon, vanilla and sandalwood and wax. It smelled like potpourri. A mosaic of scents. It smelled like a temple.

Tamaki pulled the switch of a tiny lamp beside the door. "Well. Here we are." He leaned down to remove his boots, while Haruhi pushed her feet from her sneakers and deposited them on the shoe rack.

Through the dim light, Haruhi tried to survey the space. The living room consisted of only mats and a table, where a small bonsai tree stood on the center. But what caught Haruhi's attention were the candles.

There were dozens of them, filling one corner. There were large white candles almost as thick as her waist, there were small ones as long as her finger. White, red, green, purple… There were rows of them on the floor and along the windowpanes.

"Sit down," Tamaki said, leading the way. "Tea?"

Haruhi nodded. "Why all the candles?"

Tamaki disappeared into the kitchen. "I like the dark." She could hear him shuffle back and forth in the kitchen. Steel against tiles, running water, the thud of the refrigerator door.

Haruhi stared at the walls as she waited. Nothing but swirls of candle smoke decorated the ceiling and walls. The air was clouded, heavy with scent. She wondered how Tamaki could live in this place. Sure, it wasn't an awful place, but it wasn't like him to be alone in a place like this. He would've surrounded himself with neighbors, or at least the knowledge of having them around. It was as if his apartment were isolated, not really part of the building, a secret wing. She imagined kids double-daring each other at midnight, running from phantoms that were never there.

Tamaki returned with a pot of tea and two cups on a tray. He set it down and proceeded to light the two biggest candles. Vanilla filled the air.

He sat down in front of Haruhi and poured tea. For a long moment, neither said anything, they just sat there, sipping at their cups.

"Your place is nice," Haruhi started, trying to think of something to say. The air was stuffy and cloying, and combined with the heaviness they mutually felt, the tension that was still there… it was almost impossible to put words to the thoughts that bothered both of them.

"Don't you get creeped out at the thought that you're the only one living on this floor?"

"Nah, I got used to it," Tamaki shrugged and set down his cup. "When you're out all night entertaining people it's a good thing to have your solitude. I like it this way."

"It's too stuffy though. Don't you ever open windows?"

"You can open one if you like."

Haruhi approached the window and slid the glass open. The wind was cool and fresh, a relief from the air inside. Haruhi stood there for a moment, breathing deeply, staring out on the quiet street. With the exception of the building and a few convenience stores she saw a while back, the neighborhood hadn't changed. Just the same, Haruhi was disappointed to find their old apartment gone, just as she was surprised at the fact that Tamaki chose to live in her former neighborhood. Where her home once stood, at that. But then, Tamaki always wanted to live in what he used to call the "commoner houses". Well… he was one of them now.

_One of us._ She never imagined Suoh Tamaki to be a commoner. It was an unsettling thing. _He didn't have to do this, to be like this. How could he stand it?_

Haruhi looked behind her to find Tamaki looking down on his cup. In the soft light, she could see his expression, the same confusion reflected on his face.

"Well, aren't you going to show me the rest of your house?" Haruhi asked lightly.

Tamaki snapped out of his reverie. "Oh, yeah. Right."

He led her along the small hallway and slid open a paper screen door.

"My room." He said, without looking at Haruhi.

Haruhi's heart skipped a beat. Inside, there was mat, pillows and blankets. Books lined up from one corner to the next. There was a small radio and a lamp beside the mats.

And then there were photos. Photos that covered his walls. Photos of him, as a child, in all his school uniforms. His high school graduation photo. Photos of his family, his mother, his father, his grandmother. Beary, his old stuffed bear, embraced by him. Photos of beaches, sunsets, old buildings, cherry blossom trees.

And then photos of the Host Club. Photos of him and Kyouya, of him and Hikaru and Kaoru. Of him with Mori and Honey, of him with her. Photos with all of them together. Photos of her. Smiling. They all occupied the walls, surrounding the room. Memories.

She had almost forgotten. What happened to all of them? They all fell out, went on their way and never looked back. Inevitable. _But what can you do_, Haruhi thought bitterly. It was always like that. To avoid being left behind, you have to keep moving. _Why are you still hanging on to the past, Tamaki? There's nothing left there._

Tamaki watched Haruhi as she stared at the pictures. Her eyes were wide, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides.

"You're crazy," she said, finally. They looked at each other for a long moment.

"Why?" Haruhi ignored him.

"Do you still get to talk to them?" She looked at one photo they took at the beach during their junior, where all of them were wearing straw hats and grinning into the lens.

"I talk to Hikaru and Kaoru sometimes, when they call." He answered, "Mori and Honey have gone to Okinawa to continue their training since last year. I rarely talk to them."

"What about Kyouya?"

Tamaki didn't answer. Haruhi looked at him, expectant, but he didn't say anything else. His eyes were distant, shut off. Haruhi knew it was no use to ask any more.

They stood quietly again for another few minutes looking at the pictures.

It was Tamaki who broke the silence. "What are you planning to do?"

Haruhi paused, and replied, "After finding a place, I guess… look for a job. Anything."

"Are you going back to Boston?" Tamaki asked.

"I don't know."

Tamaki turned to Haruhi and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"You're welcome to stay here. For the time being," he offered. "Until you get back on your feet."

Haruhi's heart leapt at his kindness. _I don't deserve this._ She just couldn't accept it, it was just too much. And the guilt. It was still there. _After all I've done._ She wanted to walk out. She wanted to leave, to turn him down, but instead she found herself taking his hand and squeezing it gratefully.

"Thank you so much."

**Author's Note:**

WHEW. Another chapter done. Sorry for the readers who waited for my update during the weekend. I had lots of chores to do ; Thank you for all your pleasant reviews and comments. I'm still trying to tie the plot together. Since I'm on a break, I could probably get a lot of it done. Probably, as I also have a lot of things unchecked in my to-do list.

Also, I made a rough sketch as to how Haruhi would look like in this fic. It's at **helloelleon (dot) net (slash) etc (slash) haruhi-stellar.jpg.** Again, many thanks to those who have read and added_ Stellar and Strange_ to their alerts

Stellar and Strange © Shiroi Ryuu 2006


	5. Masquerade

**Stellar and Strange**

**Chapter 4: Masquerade  
**

_Know things look lovely to you_

_Holding back, now and forever_

_Know things look lovely_

_Holding for midnight and I deny_

_You were walking so peculiar _

_like you had something to hide _

Translating the Name, Saosin

-

Haruhi found herself in the dressing room of XOXO, picking up hangers and putting away makeup, screwing lids on jars, fluffing up wigs.

That morning she and Tamaki had gone to the inn to get her things. Both of them said very little to each other. Haruhi didn't trust herself to bring up painful subjects, and the previous night had left her with more questions.

Five years turned Tamaki into a mystery. He dressed like a woman when they left the apartment. Under that blonde wig and red-tinted glasses, he talked with a fine, modulated voice that left other people guessing. He walked expertly on heels that would have sprained her ankle. Men catcalled him on the street. In many ways it was like taking a walk with her father again, only less embarrassing. Tamaki was reserved when his father was not. He ignored the catcalls. Her father would've flirted back. But still, Tamaki with reserve was still something entirely new.

At XOXO, Tamaki persuaded Ryoko to take her in. Ryoko had heartily agreed, although he wouldn't allow her to wait on customers. _It takes a certain kind of charm._ He said that with a wink. _You'd be like a small fish among the sharks, dearie. You'd be eaten alive. We can't have that. _

_You'll be our all-around girl, no pun intended. You'll just set things up for trouble._ Those were Ryoko's words. With a grin and a wink included.

So Haruhi found herself in the dressing room of XOXO, picking up hangers and putting away makeup, screwing lids on jars, fluffing up wigs. She would've laughed at the bizarreness of finding herself being paid doing the very things that she amused herself with as a child. _Do what you like, so they say_, Haruhi thought wryly. She turned to the huge mirror and flicked the hot yellow lights on, half-expecting to see her eight-year-old self in the mirror. Since meeting Tamaki again, everything felt like a deja vu.

**o o o**

Evening came. Haruhi sat on a rickety chair at the back alley and smoked. She pulled uncomfortably at the costume Ryoko made her put on. _It's your uniform_, he said, although no one in XOXO dressed the same way. She wore was red vinyl halter top and a tight black snakeskin miniskirt. _He might as well made me a waitress_, she thought. _And I could never walk in these heels._ Ryoko made her put on a pair of red platform boots. _Trainer wheels for heels_, he said, tickling her with his feather boa. She agreed with the same helpless air she had when she was a child surrounded by her father's excitable co-workers. But when Ryoko came at her with a make-up brush powdered thick with pink blusher, she had to run out and escape at the back.

_How's this, Dad? Would you find this hilarious? I would laugh. I would._

Then Ryoko made her clean up the stage and set up new stage decorations and props. Tonight they were doing an "Angles and Deveils" themed peformance. Ryoko had bought a bunch of red lights and styrofoam die-cut glitter clouds and pitchforks and fake angel wings and headbands with plastic horns and insisted everyone in the staff to wear them, even the cooks.

Angles and Deveils. Haruhi had to laugh.

**o o o**

"Nice outfit."

"Shut up." She hadn't noticed Tamaki coming into the dressing room just as she was putting on her plastic devil-horn headband. Tamaki had on a jet-black wig, styled long and straight with a long block fringe. In his devil-red catsuit, Tamaki looked more like a woman than she did in her little girl body. She felt like a thirteen year-old.

"Where have you been?"

"Out. Errands." His face was impassive, a wall. "I got you a spare key," He said, handing her two silver keys attached to a metal keyring

"How did you get the boobs?" Haruhi pointed at his chest.

"Trade secret."

"Oh, come on. Did you get implants while you were out?"

"You're crazy. They're... detachable." Tamaki looked at her straight, his eyes were searching, yet they told nothing. Haruhi turned away from him. The awkward tension was still palpable. Suddenly she felt the need to be out of the room, and fast.

"Well, I better check if Ryoko needs help with the lights or something." She opened the door when Tamaki grasped her arm.

"Wait, Haruhi."

"Yes?"

"You need a wig." Tamaki opened the wig closet, where rows and rows of white mannequin heads sat, with wigs arranged by colour.

"What for?"

"You need it, " said Tamaki, pulling off the wigs on some mannequins, shutting the door, facing her.

"Now that you're working here you need to have your identity intact," he said, laying the wigs on the dressing table.

"But I only work in the bar and backstage, no one will see me anyway. I don't even know why Ryoko insisted that I wear this. It's scratchy and chafing everywhere."

"No. You're a small fish among sharks now, no matter what Ryoko says," Haruhi was surprised at the sudden urgency in his voice. "Please, Haruhi."

"Fine then. If you're all that worried, then make me dress like a boy again. You know I can pull it off better than looking like a--"

Tamaki sighed tiredly.

Haruhi sat on one of the low stools, picked up a wig and tried it on. "Okay, Tamaki. I'll pick a wig. I'll change my appearance every night if you wish. Sure is funny to see a bunny girl washing the dishes. Do I need to change my name too? Tell me now so I can think of something."

"As a matter of fact," Tamaki replied, "I was about to ask you to do that, too."

"What the fuck for? Are you and Ryoko running something illegal? Are you thinking of putting me onstage? Because I won't go."

"No. Your voice is terrible. And that's not the point. The point is, Haruhi," His eyes were dark and serious now, his voice low and almost sad. "You don't want to be eaten alive."

"You're scaring the fuck out of me, Tamaki. You need to stop the cryptics."

Tamaki didn't answer. Instead he plucked a blue-black wig, styled short with flyaway ends. He smoothed Haruhi's hair back. Haruhi felt goosebumps rise on her skin at his touch. He wrapped her shaggy brown hair in a hair stocking, then pulled the wig on her. Both of them looked at each other in the mirror. Amber met cornflower, the earth met the rain. Haruhi felt herself clench when his hand moved to rest her shoulder.

"What's your name, stranger?"

"Kanashiko." _A sad child_.

Silence. Outside, Ryoko had started feeding the karaoke machine. The night noise came pouring in the small room. Tamaki pulled his hand away and Haruhi felt her skin breathe again.

"Well, Kana-chan. Play safe. Don't wait for me to get back." He winked at her and disappeared into the red lit room beyond.

_Well, Haruhi-chan. Play safe._ Straightening her plastic devil-horn headband, Haruhi followed him into the already crowded bar, hoping she looked the part.

**-End Chapter Four-**

HEY. So that was a long time coming. A year. A year! Or something more than that. Lamest excuse in the world ever: Life got in the way. I even thought I wouldn't be able to start writing this again. I found the old notebook (Now old, since it has been so long. Wow wow yet again.) where I kept loose plot information and notes when I was cleaning my room. Hand of Fate, maybe? Maybe? Whatever, whatever. I'm just happy I got back to writing this again.

Yay!

Stellar and Strange (c) Shiroi Ryuu 2006 – 2008. Breed your own plot bunnies. Yaaaay.


End file.
